Sunday
2.7.10
I want to go get Critter. Some things are not happening like we were under the impression that they would and I want to go get my manchild. Don't get me wrong, God has been good and faithful and loving. Critter has been standing up for his beliefs in Jesus at Shelterwood with some of the students and he has been a listening ear and a praying heart for them, as well. He really likes his 'big' and his counselor. He loves his teachers and is doing well in school.
I took my desire to my Lord. With my heart and mind engaged, I climbed up in His loving lap and fell apart. I lamented, complained, begged, reminded Him of all my issues, and asked Him to speak to me. I sensed He stroked my hair and let me fall against His strong chest. Chris could not really console me. My mom could express her love and wisdom but my tears just kept falling. It was like I was emptying out my soul - so many years of hurts and joys and challenges and defeats and hopes and disappointments of watching this sweet manchild get rejected, get left behind, get ridiculed and made fun of, get defined by his processing and reading abilities or disabilities, not get invited, not get a chance, not get understood, get overlooked, and get underencouraged. I want to also say that in each of these times, God always sent a messenger of His love and reminders of His Sovereign ways. He never left us but the pain has been much.
I talked with a friend late in the evening and simply asked her pray. I woke this morning about 6:30am and the first thing I asked my Abba Daddy was "Can i go get him?" Grabbing a cup of coffee, I spotted a book that we had given several of our special friends for Christmas If You Will Ask by Oswald Chambers. I sensed God asking me to pick it up and talk about it over coffee with Him this morning. I starting reading and just started to laugh. I mean from the sweetest places in my spirit. I had asked and my Daddy had answered and it was ABSOLUTELY OPPOSITE of what I wanted but it suddenly didn't matter because I knew that I knew that I knew that He had heard me, loves me, and had spoken His banner of love over me. The opening Scripture of the book is "Stay here and wait with Me." said Jesus (Matt 26:38). My Lord and my Master has asked me to stay and wait with Him. He had tenderly told me no and in the process, revealed His Presence to me.
Oswald went on to remind me that "we must take as from God the arrangements of our lives." If Jesus tells me to stay and wait with Him, the only appropriate thing I can do is to stay and wait. The sweetest part was that I was looking for the Strong Arm of the Lord and He revealed His tender face to me. Of course not in a velvet painting, but I sensed the tender, creased eyes from His knowing smile and His soft voice as He knew His answer was not what I wanted but what He knew would be the best for me - His Presence, not my way. I was really asking God for permission and for His power and in His gentle "no", He gave me o so much more - His Person. Oswald tells me that the basis of my prayers is not my human earnestness, although I can assure you I was earnest. The basis is not my human need or my human will. The only basis on which I may petition the heart of my Lord is the redemption in Jesus.
I don't know what you are talking to our Daddy about today. Your heart may be broken, your spirit may be worn out. You may need an option selection, physical healing, or wisdom. I can only tell you that you are asking Him for His power and in His answer, whether it is what you want or not, He will not disappoint because you will get His Person - because He has paid the price of His life for you - you mean that much to Him!
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2 comments:
Hi Teri,
I read a comment you left about your son a few weeks ago on Facebook and after reading your blog I want to encourage you to know what you already are finding out about God and his love. My first wife passed away 11 years ago last week to a horrible disease called Huntington's disease. Some of the most incredible moments of our family's life happened during the time that we had to fully rely on God to take care of us. I found that it was a time for me to let go and let God take care of things. I was reminded of that his week as we are going through some things with our two sons(I remarried). The things that were and are going on in our life is not about us or the situations we find ourselves in, it's about God and what he wants to do through us and in us during this time. I ahve two daughters who made the choice to leave home because they didn't want the accountability that I required. It broke my heart, but after awhile I realized I didn't need to be angry at them, I needed to let God do something in my life. I had to let go of them and trust that God would take care of them. As I prayed I didn't like God's answer, but he is God. James 1 and 2 Cor.1 were really comforting to me. It's hard to count it all joy when stuff is going on all around and it's hard to think that God might be allowing us to go through things to be able to comfort others, but that's what it's all about. I will be praying for you and your family, may God's peace and comfort fill ya'll during this time.
In Christ,
Bill Cox
Teri,
I am so grateful for your writings. As my Terry is approaching the teenage years, we are having those pre-teen issues. I am so finding comfort in your writings. I have a great church, but that does not mean I do not miss my ELFBC family. You were such a great friend to me when i was going through all my "garbage". Praying and thinking about you.
Love,
Holly
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